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When organisations work together, we can have a greater impact for every Queenslander going through cancer and help amplify our message for all Australians.
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If you or your partner have been diagnosed with cancer, making sure you have good communication can help you both to overcome challenges and embrace the changes you’re experiencing. Whether you or your partner has cancer, or you’ve just been diagnosed and are worried about starting a relationship with someone new in the future, this page can help you navigate sensitive conversations about sexuality and intimacy.
Our team is here to listen and support you.
Cancer can bring many changes, and some challenges, to your relationship, including your desire to have sex or be intimate with each other (your libido). It may seem easier to avoid talking about sex or intimacy while you are both coping with the demands of cancer and treatment, but this can lead to feelings of frustration and confusion, making it difficult to feel connected or have your needs met.
You may be feeling worried, uncertain or overwhelmed as you both navigate this new chapter together, but it is important to know that communication is often the solution, and support is available.
If you are the primary carer when your partner has cancer, it can be difficult to find a balance or switch between the roles of carer and lover. Or if you have cancer, it can be a challenging time for you and your body. You might be experiencing discomfort, pain or stress that can cause sex and intimacy to become unappealing or difficult.
Sex can be a vulnerable topic for couples to talk about, even for couples who are very close. While It can seem easier to avoid talking about sex or intimacy as you cope with the demands of cancer, this can often lead to misunderstandings and feelings of isolation. Open communication can help bridge this gap and reconnect you and your partner.
Your relationship can remain strong and intimate during cancer treatment, even as it changes. Open communication, professional support, and mutual understanding will help you navigate this journey together.
Navigating conversations with someone new can feel daunting, but we’re here to help. Call the Cancer Council support line on 13 11 20 if you’d like to speak to someone who has been through a similar experience before, to connect with a counsellor, or to learn more about our support services.
It’s hard to know what to say or how to begin a conversation sometimes. Even if these suggestions don’t fit your situation, they might give you a starting point.
With your partner:
“I feel like I never have any energy for sex, but I’m worried about how you’re feeling about that. Maybe we can work out a plan together.”
“I am going to show you the way I like to be touched and the places that are sore and out of bounds.”
“I feel ready for sex again, but I’d like to take things slowly.” “I’m ready to cuddle, but worried you think I’m ready for sex – can we agree to just cuddle for now?”
“There are some things I would like to try to do together that may help us feel close and connected, without ‘going all the way’.”
“I really miss our sex life. When can we talk about being physically close again?” “That’s the right spot, but a lighter touch would feel good.”
With a new partner:
“The cancer treatment changed my body in different ways. It’s hard to talk about the changes, but I want you to know about them. The treatment left me with [a stoma/ erection problems/etc.].”
“I really like where our relationship is going. I need you to know that I had cancer some years ago, but I’m afraid you might prefer to be with someone who hasn’t had cancer. What are your thoughts about it?”
“I am still interested in sex, but we might have to be a little inventive.”
“I haven’t had sex since my cancer treatment, and I’m worried about how things will go. How do you feel about taking things slowly?”
“Before we get really serious, I want to let you know how cancer treatment affected my fertility. I can’t physically conceive children, but I’m willing to explore other ways of becoming a parent down the track.”
Cancer treatment can affect intimacy in different ways, but there are plenty of ways to maintain or rebuild your connection as a couple. Some days you might focus on emotional closeness, while other times you may feel ready for physical intimacy – there’s no right or wrong way to approach this.
Your partner’s interest in physical intimacy may change during cancer treatment. They might crave closeness more than ever, or they may not feel physically or emotionally able to be intimate. You can show your love through:
Many people worry about safety during physical intimacy when their partner has cancer. Let us reassure you: you cannot catch cancer from your partner through any kind of physical closeness, and being intimate won’t cause the cancer to spread or return.
While there may be certain times during treatment when you’ll need to take some precautions, your partner’s treatment team can guide you through this. They understand these concerns and can advise you about any specific safety measures you might need to take during different stages of treatment.
Every couple experiences cancer differently, and your relationship may undergo various changes along the way. Some couples find that facing cancer together actually strengthens their bond, helping them discover deeper levels of connection.
You might discover new ways to feel close and intimate with each other as you adapt to changes. It’s natural for your roles and responsibilities to shift during this time, and you’ll both need patience as you adjust to these changes.
There’s no set timeline for adapting to your new circumstances – take things one day at a time. Throughout this experience, remember that your partner’s healthcare team is there to support both of you, so ask them about services and support that could help you navigate this time together.
Whether or not to tell someone you have cancer is a personal decision and can depend on how comfortable you feel or how well you know the person. Telling someone you have
cancer gives you the control over what information to give, prevent misunderstandings and allow them to offer you support if you need it.
It’s a good idea to tell your partner when you are both feeling relaxed, and you’ve had time to practice what to say. You can be honest with your concerns and hold space for them to open about theirs too. Cancer can impact relationships, but overcoming its challenges and changes together brings many couples closer together.
‘Cancer ghosting’ is a painful reality for some people who notice that they hear less from members of their family or friend group after a cancer diagnosis. It can be one of the most difficult parts of cancer, but support is available. Call our support line 13 11 20 if you are feeling isolated or need any practical or emotional support.
Cancer can significantly impact a marriage in various ways. It may:
But with open communication, mutual understanding, and appropriate support, many couples find ways to adapt and maintain a strong relationship throughout the cancer journey.
